What Colors the Steel Sky Blue

During my days and nights of unemployment not only did I get less and less motivated to anything and everything but I also developed some really strange skills that one certainly could not share with everyone.

I have always had a solid history of having very vivid and strange dreams. In fact I must have spent every night of my first 23 years with nightmares night after night. Endless combinations of exams failed, public humiliations staged, getting raped by the high school bullies, being exposed as a gay man, and finally a subgroup of dreams that absolutely had nothing to do with my fears or daily life.

All the other ones I could stomach, mostly because I knew where they were coming from and mostly where they were going to, nowhere. These were remains of the daily brew, that stain ring the last gulp of coffee leaves in a mug. one could either way the mug or throw it away if it was a paper cup from Starbucks.

The group that was not related to anything was a rare and strange breed. These dreams mostly felt like being in a film. Many times the credits rolled by after the dream was over. These were dreams about settings, places never seen, perhaps completely fictional people whose names I never remember after I woke up. These familiar strangers of my dreams could be my parents, could be my best friends, wife, boyfriend, perhaps even my child. What I have never quite understood is the process through which our mind creates a completely fictional face, assigns a fictional name to it and then fits it into a dream during our sleep.

Considering the hell we put our heads through daily life, you would think our brains would take any opportunity to unplug, to shut down, to take that blond moment we all are so in need of.